Kathy just walked by as I sat here; I beckoned her over and we chatted through the window screen.
Oh creeper window.
Oh, Creeping!
1) I need to stop saying that I "stalk" people. Innocent as my motives usually are, no one wants to be "stalked." Then I'd just become some poor, misunderstood stalker.
- Colin suggested I say, "Dig their style." Instead of, "Hello juggler boy, I've been stalking you since you gave me your business card when I was 12," Say, "Hello Juggler Boy, It is so nice to finally meet you, I've dug your style for a while now."
It's going to take some getting used to.
This has happened before. Note, "The Norwegian." He wasn't really Norwegian, I just figured he was since he was blond and wore a pea coat, and from a distance he looked like Oscar Wilde.
Over the course of a couple months, I began to notice him all over, and by the end I'd become familiar with the times and places where our paths would cross. NOT a big deal.
When I finally visited him at his place of work, I spouted out in my most nervous english dialect, "HimynameisLilyandIthinkyoulooklikeOscarWilde,andum,maybewecouldhangoutsometime."
To which I received a baffled, "Well... Um... I am at work right now... So... uh." Then I ran away.
I've never been able to recover from that one... and I don't think bringing a totally awesome dead bird I found to that same place of work helped my cause.
Wish me luck in my self redemption.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Sniffles resound
Sitting in Luther apartment eating egg noodles with butter and cheese for dinner.
Worked for 3 hours today, and this after sleeping for no more than that upon returning from the Harry Potter Finale.
Now it's done.
Going to finish my noodles while watching South Park in my Pjs, waiting for the maintenance man to come back. Then I will fall into a well earned rest, to awaken at 4 to go to Stockholm, Wisconsin.
Such is my life.
Brief,
but this is a prime primary source!
Worked for 3 hours today, and this after sleeping for no more than that upon returning from the Harry Potter Finale.
Now it's done.
Going to finish my noodles while watching South Park in my Pjs, waiting for the maintenance man to come back. Then I will fall into a well earned rest, to awaken at 4 to go to Stockholm, Wisconsin.
Such is my life.
Brief,
but this is a prime primary source!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Insights from the Creeper Window
Janelle joined me this morning as I sat in my wonderful chair, drinking tea and reading "Narcissus and Goldmund" by Herman Hesse.
Three things:
1)Narcissus and Goldmund and the idea of difference
2)Relationships
3) Life isn't so bad"
This really isn't a fluid order... but we'll see.
First, a brief run down of Narcissus and Goldmund this far. Narcissus is a young teacher at a monastery. He has been there all his life, and is greatly respected by his peers and students. Goldmund is a young man who has come to the monastery at his father's wishes with hopes to study hard, and eventually join the monastery himself, leading a pious and chaste life.
As a good reader of character, Narcissus can tell that the monastic life is not one for Goldmund, who has yet to see his true vocation. The two become good friends, here, they discuss difference:
"They had been talking about astrology, a forbidden science that was not pursued in the cloister. Narcissus had said that astrology was an attempt to arrange and order the many different types of human beings according to their natures and destinies. At this point Goldmund had objected: 'You're forever talking of differences-- I've finally recognized a pet theory of yours. When you speak of the great difference that is supposed to exist between you and me, for instance, it seems to me that this difference is nothing but your strange determination to establish differences.'
Narcissus: 'Yes. You've hit the nail on the head. That's it: to you, differences are quite unimportant; to me, they are what matters most. I am a scholar by nature; science is my vocation. And science is, to quote your words, nothing but the 'determination to establish differences.' Its essence couldn't be defined more accurately. For us, the men of science, nothing is as important as the establishment of differences; science is the art of differentiation. Discovering in every man that which distinguishes him from others is to know him.'
Goldmund: 'If you like. One man wears wooden shoes and is a peasant; the other wears a crown and is a king. These are differences, I grant you. But children can see them too, without any science.'
Narcissus: ' But when peasant and king are dressed alike, the child can no longer tell one from the other.'
Goldmund: 'Neither can science."
Narcissus: 'Perhaps it can. Not that science is more intelligent than the child, but it has more patience; it remembers more than just the most obvious characteristics.'
Goldmund: 'So does any intelligent child. He will recognize the king by the look in his eyes, or by his bearing. To put it plainly: you learned men are arrogant, you always think everybody else stupid. One can be extremely intelligent without learning.'
Narcissus: 'I am glad that you're beginning to realize that. You'll soon realize, too, that I don't mean intelligence when I speak of the difference between us. I do not say, you are more intelligent, or less intelligent; better or worse. I merely say, you are different.'
...
It goes on, but I feel like I've already transcribed too much. I like it as a discussion of difference not being good or bad, and that sometimes, in academia we put too much weight in differences, mostly because it is necessary for study, but when does it become arrogant?
I'd be interested in continuing the discussion started last winter in Queer studies, focusing on the idea of difference, and maybe even Narcissus' definition.
~*~*~*~
Ok... I'm already a bit written out, but I'll at least say a little. Sitting in our Creeper chairs, great discussion ensued- as it often does- between Janelle and I. We are perched in the summer before our senior year of college. Already, I'm moving away from my Coast Guard dreams of justice and adventure, and into a more resigned mindset of work, rent, and pay checks. In many ways, I am young Goldmund, and I am eager to see how he figures it out.
We talked-as we often do- of relationships. Janelle is in a good one, I am still "dating." We tried to define what that really means. I am still uncomfortable with the idea of a RELATIONSHIP being something that you can invest your whole self with... in the end, I just wish it wasn't a part of life. Janelle said something really good... but now I can't remember it.
What this post comes down to though, is that I am ok with the now. Unlike yesterday. While I still see the next three months looming in financial struggle and social strife, I'm not too concerned.
Three things:
1)Narcissus and Goldmund and the idea of difference
2)Relationships
3) Life isn't so bad"
This really isn't a fluid order... but we'll see.
First, a brief run down of Narcissus and Goldmund this far. Narcissus is a young teacher at a monastery. He has been there all his life, and is greatly respected by his peers and students. Goldmund is a young man who has come to the monastery at his father's wishes with hopes to study hard, and eventually join the monastery himself, leading a pious and chaste life.
As a good reader of character, Narcissus can tell that the monastic life is not one for Goldmund, who has yet to see his true vocation. The two become good friends, here, they discuss difference:
"They had been talking about astrology, a forbidden science that was not pursued in the cloister. Narcissus had said that astrology was an attempt to arrange and order the many different types of human beings according to their natures and destinies. At this point Goldmund had objected: 'You're forever talking of differences-- I've finally recognized a pet theory of yours. When you speak of the great difference that is supposed to exist between you and me, for instance, it seems to me that this difference is nothing but your strange determination to establish differences.'
Narcissus: 'Yes. You've hit the nail on the head. That's it: to you, differences are quite unimportant; to me, they are what matters most. I am a scholar by nature; science is my vocation. And science is, to quote your words, nothing but the 'determination to establish differences.' Its essence couldn't be defined more accurately. For us, the men of science, nothing is as important as the establishment of differences; science is the art of differentiation. Discovering in every man that which distinguishes him from others is to know him.'
Goldmund: 'If you like. One man wears wooden shoes and is a peasant; the other wears a crown and is a king. These are differences, I grant you. But children can see them too, without any science.'
Narcissus: ' But when peasant and king are dressed alike, the child can no longer tell one from the other.'
Goldmund: 'Neither can science."
Narcissus: 'Perhaps it can. Not that science is more intelligent than the child, but it has more patience; it remembers more than just the most obvious characteristics.'
Goldmund: 'So does any intelligent child. He will recognize the king by the look in his eyes, or by his bearing. To put it plainly: you learned men are arrogant, you always think everybody else stupid. One can be extremely intelligent without learning.'
Narcissus: 'I am glad that you're beginning to realize that. You'll soon realize, too, that I don't mean intelligence when I speak of the difference between us. I do not say, you are more intelligent, or less intelligent; better or worse. I merely say, you are different.'
...
It goes on, but I feel like I've already transcribed too much. I like it as a discussion of difference not being good or bad, and that sometimes, in academia we put too much weight in differences, mostly because it is necessary for study, but when does it become arrogant?
I'd be interested in continuing the discussion started last winter in Queer studies, focusing on the idea of difference, and maybe even Narcissus' definition.
~*~*~*~
Ok... I'm already a bit written out, but I'll at least say a little. Sitting in our Creeper chairs, great discussion ensued- as it often does- between Janelle and I. We are perched in the summer before our senior year of college. Already, I'm moving away from my Coast Guard dreams of justice and adventure, and into a more resigned mindset of work, rent, and pay checks. In many ways, I am young Goldmund, and I am eager to see how he figures it out.
We talked-as we often do- of relationships. Janelle is in a good one, I am still "dating." We tried to define what that really means. I am still uncomfortable with the idea of a RELATIONSHIP being something that you can invest your whole self with... in the end, I just wish it wasn't a part of life. Janelle said something really good... but now I can't remember it.
What this post comes down to though, is that I am ok with the now. Unlike yesterday. While I still see the next three months looming in financial struggle and social strife, I'm not too concerned.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Well... Darn
I am feeling a bit dumb.
I didn't get registered for "The Designed Environment" and it turns out that you have to pay up front for summer classes. That was supposed to start today, and that is why I am back.
I don't have the $2,000 for it... so... here I am.
I am feeling the most upset right now, because I could have spent a full two more days at home.
Instead, I am here, feeling sorry for myself. After having so many days off, there's nothing I am trying to pack in... except for being at home.
I intend to get out and get stuff done, and to stop moping.
I REALLY want to call my mom, but I left my phone charger in her car. The last text message I was able to send was asking for her to mail it to me.
It is definitely not productive to be sitting around here wishing I could be sitting around at home. Yet this is the most homesick I've felt in a while.
Plan of action:
1) Take the train to Target; get work shoes that won't give me bunyans, as well as other necessities.
2) Go to Cub for food staples
3) Read. I brought MORE books back that I've been wanting to read.
I am feeling like I do during the school year, when there is so much to do, yet I am inadequate to do ANY of it.
Bliargh.
I didn't get registered for "The Designed Environment" and it turns out that you have to pay up front for summer classes. That was supposed to start today, and that is why I am back.
I don't have the $2,000 for it... so... here I am.
I am feeling the most upset right now, because I could have spent a full two more days at home.
Instead, I am here, feeling sorry for myself. After having so many days off, there's nothing I am trying to pack in... except for being at home.
I intend to get out and get stuff done, and to stop moping.
I REALLY want to call my mom, but I left my phone charger in her car. The last text message I was able to send was asking for her to mail it to me.
It is definitely not productive to be sitting around here wishing I could be sitting around at home. Yet this is the most homesick I've felt in a while.
Plan of action:
1) Take the train to Target; get work shoes that won't give me bunyans, as well as other necessities.
2) Go to Cub for food staples
3) Read. I brought MORE books back that I've been wanting to read.
I am feeling like I do during the school year, when there is so much to do, yet I am inadequate to do ANY of it.
Bliargh.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Summer's here!
The moon is right between the Wells Fargo building and the IDS Tower (?) It matches really well. Really reminds me that I am on a planet. :)
Today, I feel was a "classic" college experience.
Having konked out at 4am after getting as far as I could through Foucault chapter summaries, AND a load of laundry, I tried to get up at 8:30. 8:30 turned into 9:30, and when I settled into write, I discovered that while my battery slowly drained, my power cord did nothing to assist.
My first instinct was to email it to myself, and work on it in the Urness computer lab. So I did, but the documents weren't compatible. This meant all my formatting was messed up, including fonts and sizes. Too complicated. I panicked and said bad words.
After calling my mom and calming down, I called Que Computers to see if they had a power cord that would work. They did! I rode my bike, and it was nice, and everything got back in order. I spent the rest of the day writing, and finished with time to spare!
This was one of those things they tell you happens when you're in Orientation.
I presented my research for Queer Studies in Oren 100, just like a real academic conference! I made jello animals to represent Foucault's archaeological approach to history, as well as how structures mold the self. Heh heh heh. It was fun. I'd say I will miss this project, but it will never be over! I am happy about that.
And now I am done, pajamaed and alone in my room, facing the last two days living with Erica in college.
She's not here. ... I plan on watching Netflix. Guilt free! (Guilt free because I will not be not doing homework. Not because Erica makes me feel guilty. Thought I'd specify).
But anyway, summer is here. I somehow made it through last semester. It's too near for proper reflection, but I know I learned a lot.
Next semester, Kathy said that we can write priorities on a board, so we can ask eachother about them. I like that Idea. I also like that Kathy will be with me in student senate. It's exciting being Secretary again, though I kind of feel like I am hogging the position. I like meetings, I like taking notes... I guess that's all right!
Ah.
Summer.
First plans:
Finish Lolita
Buy plane tickets to visit Martin!
Start work at Dino's on MONDAY!
Cultivate garden plot.
Today, I feel was a "classic" college experience.
Having konked out at 4am after getting as far as I could through Foucault chapter summaries, AND a load of laundry, I tried to get up at 8:30. 8:30 turned into 9:30, and when I settled into write, I discovered that while my battery slowly drained, my power cord did nothing to assist.
My first instinct was to email it to myself, and work on it in the Urness computer lab. So I did, but the documents weren't compatible. This meant all my formatting was messed up, including fonts and sizes. Too complicated. I panicked and said bad words.
After calling my mom and calming down, I called Que Computers to see if they had a power cord that would work. They did! I rode my bike, and it was nice, and everything got back in order. I spent the rest of the day writing, and finished with time to spare!
This was one of those things they tell you happens when you're in Orientation.
I presented my research for Queer Studies in Oren 100, just like a real academic conference! I made jello animals to represent Foucault's archaeological approach to history, as well as how structures mold the self. Heh heh heh. It was fun. I'd say I will miss this project, but it will never be over! I am happy about that.
And now I am done, pajamaed and alone in my room, facing the last two days living with Erica in college.
She's not here. ... I plan on watching Netflix. Guilt free! (Guilt free because I will not be not doing homework. Not because Erica makes me feel guilty. Thought I'd specify).
But anyway, summer is here. I somehow made it through last semester. It's too near for proper reflection, but I know I learned a lot.
Next semester, Kathy said that we can write priorities on a board, so we can ask eachother about them. I like that Idea. I also like that Kathy will be with me in student senate. It's exciting being Secretary again, though I kind of feel like I am hogging the position. I like meetings, I like taking notes... I guess that's all right!
Ah.
Summer.
First plans:
Finish Lolita
Buy plane tickets to visit Martin!
Start work at Dino's on MONDAY!
Cultivate garden plot.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Still on the Train
It's 8:19am. I am sitting on my couch, already sinking into despair.
I don't know how I am going to finish this semester. I have a 10 page coin project,10 page Foucault project, and a 6-8 page Post Colonial research project.
Each alone wouldn't be so bad, but I have approximately two weeks to do them all.
And on top of that, I am far behind, and my mind is not on my side.
Jessica Nathanson was a hero of mine.
I don't want to get teary and expressive. I can barely talk to my friends about it, much less a faceless blog.
I took Thursday and Friday off, and didn't do anything responsible on Saturday or Sunday. If riding a bike isn't responsible... I guess that counts for physical health.
And now, even though I thought I stepped off the train of emotional turmoil, I think I am still on it.
My counselor at the CCHP the day I found out (before I found out) told me about the train, and how I need to know when to get off, or else I will let it carry me too far. It's nice being on the train. You don't have to ask questions.
Meanwhile, life continues and projects become due.
70 degree highs, a wonderful bicycle, yard sales and a new Netflix account woo me.
Cameron still has Jessica's Men's Studies book. We're going to study it on our own this summer. He told me about an article concerning men in women dominated jobs and how World War II messed everything up.
I love WWII as a turning point...
But then I get sad... because the only reason I can even THINK about Men's Studies and gender roles is because of Jessica Nathanson.
I want to carry on the legacy, but I am weak. My passions are aimless.
I don't know how I am going to finish this semester. I have a 10 page coin project,10 page Foucault project, and a 6-8 page Post Colonial research project.
Each alone wouldn't be so bad, but I have approximately two weeks to do them all.
And on top of that, I am far behind, and my mind is not on my side.
Jessica Nathanson was a hero of mine.
I don't want to get teary and expressive. I can barely talk to my friends about it, much less a faceless blog.
I took Thursday and Friday off, and didn't do anything responsible on Saturday or Sunday. If riding a bike isn't responsible... I guess that counts for physical health.
And now, even though I thought I stepped off the train of emotional turmoil, I think I am still on it.
My counselor at the CCHP the day I found out (before I found out) told me about the train, and how I need to know when to get off, or else I will let it carry me too far. It's nice being on the train. You don't have to ask questions.
Meanwhile, life continues and projects become due.
70 degree highs, a wonderful bicycle, yard sales and a new Netflix account woo me.
Cameron still has Jessica's Men's Studies book. We're going to study it on our own this summer. He told me about an article concerning men in women dominated jobs and how World War II messed everything up.
I love WWII as a turning point...
But then I get sad... because the only reason I can even THINK about Men's Studies and gender roles is because of Jessica Nathanson.
I want to carry on the legacy, but I am weak. My passions are aimless.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Spring
My last post was about starting Foucault, and just last night, I finished it.
How could I have known what that relationship would become! Never have I read something so critically. 250 pages, and EACH page has underlines and margin notes.
Our relationship will change now. What used to be the simple act of hanging out now has to turn into active research and writing.
I am on the third floor of the library, in a corner I've never used before between the study rooms and the conference space with big windows. After this post, I am going to crank out at least three over due reading responses for Post Colonial Fiction.
For that class, I am half way through "Cracking India" by Bapsi Sidhwa. It is really good, and I love the main character, "Lenny." She's 7 and absolutely nutty. I am scared though, because she lives in Lahore, and things are starting to go down. People are going to die. It's going to break my heart.
I love tragic coming of age stories. See also, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" by Betty Smith and "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" by Carson McCullers.
Maybe someday I will become a professor of the history of the thought of coming of age and girlhood.
Anyway.
This weekend was a great one. On Saturday I rode the two the The Wilde Roast Cafe to meet Visser. The windows on the bus were open, and the people watching was prime. The Cafe was wonderful too. We talked the whole time about theory as pretentiously as we could, because we were with each other. Visser is taking what sounds like a really really really awesome English class, and I am going to email her professor to see if I can sit in on it one day.
When Visser and I got back to Augsburg, we tried to build a fire in Murphey park, but failed. I am strongly considering disowning myself as my father's daughter.
Today, I signed a housing contract with Janelle for the summer. We applied for a 2 person, 2 bedroom in Luther. It's kind of pricey, but it will go onto my financial aid account, and I will have my own room for four months before sharing a space with 15 others. I am very excited, but both of us hate doing dishes...I guess if we both hate it, we can't be mad at the other for being lazy right?
It should be fun. I am definitely getting into summer prep.
Yesterday, I started plotting my trip to visit Martin in Amherst. I can get there on the Megabus for only $50 (compared to $160 on the cheapest flight). It's a bit indirect however, which only means that I will get to have mini-side trips in Chicago, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, New York and Washington D.c. Then, on the way back, I fully intend to stop for a few days in Asheville, North Carolina. There's a hostel there that looks lovely, and it is right above a brewery. I am hoping to get cheeseburgers and fancy beer with Australians... or whatever fellow travelers I happen to be sharing a bunk with. As for Amherst, I will be spending at least a week at Martin's house. Cousins are the best!
Iowa is calling me with nostalgic tones. I want to go back to Decorah with Fred and Colin, almost 3 years and many changes later. Lake Okibojee's gotta happen too. :)
Morris/Lewis Family reunion in August in Detroit to celebrate Camillo's marriage.
Colin still wants to go to Colorado. Cameron wants to go to the Grand Canyon. I need a job.
I have a job actually. Last week, I emailed Dino's saying that I really enjoyed working with them, and would like to see if they had any place for me this summer. Alysia replied right away, and I am meeting with her on Wednesday to discuss my "opportunities." She said that I was one of their favorite workers. That makes me happy, because I DID enjoy working for them. A summer with Dino's could mean art fairs, sporting events or even a place at one of their stores. It also means busy shifts that fly by and leave me with money in my pocket, and sacks full of gyros to keep me sustained.
But if I am going to be working for them, I don't want to have to say, "Oh yeah, but I need ALL this time off." Hopefully they will be understanding.
I have a crush. I don't know how to deal with it. I am kind of dopey.
I made a bet with Alex. I won.
How could I have known what that relationship would become! Never have I read something so critically. 250 pages, and EACH page has underlines and margin notes.
Our relationship will change now. What used to be the simple act of hanging out now has to turn into active research and writing.
I am on the third floor of the library, in a corner I've never used before between the study rooms and the conference space with big windows. After this post, I am going to crank out at least three over due reading responses for Post Colonial Fiction.
For that class, I am half way through "Cracking India" by Bapsi Sidhwa. It is really good, and I love the main character, "Lenny." She's 7 and absolutely nutty. I am scared though, because she lives in Lahore, and things are starting to go down. People are going to die. It's going to break my heart.
I love tragic coming of age stories. See also, "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" by Betty Smith and "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" by Carson McCullers.
Maybe someday I will become a professor of the history of the thought of coming of age and girlhood.
Anyway.
This weekend was a great one. On Saturday I rode the two the The Wilde Roast Cafe to meet Visser. The windows on the bus were open, and the people watching was prime. The Cafe was wonderful too. We talked the whole time about theory as pretentiously as we could, because we were with each other. Visser is taking what sounds like a really really really awesome English class, and I am going to email her professor to see if I can sit in on it one day.
When Visser and I got back to Augsburg, we tried to build a fire in Murphey park, but failed. I am strongly considering disowning myself as my father's daughter.
Today, I signed a housing contract with Janelle for the summer. We applied for a 2 person, 2 bedroom in Luther. It's kind of pricey, but it will go onto my financial aid account, and I will have my own room for four months before sharing a space with 15 others. I am very excited, but both of us hate doing dishes...I guess if we both hate it, we can't be mad at the other for being lazy right?
It should be fun. I am definitely getting into summer prep.
Yesterday, I started plotting my trip to visit Martin in Amherst. I can get there on the Megabus for only $50 (compared to $160 on the cheapest flight). It's a bit indirect however, which only means that I will get to have mini-side trips in Chicago, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, New York and Washington D.c. Then, on the way back, I fully intend to stop for a few days in Asheville, North Carolina. There's a hostel there that looks lovely, and it is right above a brewery. I am hoping to get cheeseburgers and fancy beer with Australians... or whatever fellow travelers I happen to be sharing a bunk with. As for Amherst, I will be spending at least a week at Martin's house. Cousins are the best!
Iowa is calling me with nostalgic tones. I want to go back to Decorah with Fred and Colin, almost 3 years and many changes later. Lake Okibojee's gotta happen too. :)
Morris/Lewis Family reunion in August in Detroit to celebrate Camillo's marriage.
Colin still wants to go to Colorado. Cameron wants to go to the Grand Canyon. I need a job.
I have a job actually. Last week, I emailed Dino's saying that I really enjoyed working with them, and would like to see if they had any place for me this summer. Alysia replied right away, and I am meeting with her on Wednesday to discuss my "opportunities." She said that I was one of their favorite workers. That makes me happy, because I DID enjoy working for them. A summer with Dino's could mean art fairs, sporting events or even a place at one of their stores. It also means busy shifts that fly by and leave me with money in my pocket, and sacks full of gyros to keep me sustained.
But if I am going to be working for them, I don't want to have to say, "Oh yeah, but I need ALL this time off." Hopefully they will be understanding.
I have a crush. I don't know how to deal with it. I am kind of dopey.
I made a bet with Alex. I won.
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