Insights from the Creeper Window

Janelle joined me this morning as I sat in my wonderful chair, drinking tea and reading "Narcissus and Goldmund" by Herman Hesse.

Three things:
1)Narcissus and Goldmund and the idea of difference
2)Relationships
3) Life isn't so bad"

This really isn't a fluid order... but we'll see.

First, a brief run down of Narcissus and Goldmund this far. Narcissus is a young teacher at a monastery. He has been there all his life, and is greatly respected by his peers and students. Goldmund is a young man who has come to the monastery at his father's wishes with hopes to study hard, and eventually join the monastery himself, leading a pious and chaste life.

As a good reader of character, Narcissus can tell that the monastic life is not one for Goldmund, who has yet to see his true vocation. The two become good friends, here, they discuss difference:

"They had been talking about astrology, a forbidden science that was not pursued in the cloister. Narcissus had said that astrology was an attempt to arrange and order the many different types of human beings according to their natures and destinies. At this point Goldmund had objected: 'You're forever talking of differences-- I've finally recognized a pet theory of yours. When you speak of the great difference that is supposed to exist between you and me, for instance, it seems to me that this difference is nothing but your strange determination to establish differences.'
Narcissus: 'Yes. You've hit the nail on the head. That's it: to you, differences are quite unimportant; to me, they are what matters most. I am a scholar by nature; science is my vocation. And science is, to quote your words, nothing but the 'determination to establish differences.' Its essence couldn't be defined more accurately. For us, the men of science, nothing is as important as the establishment of differences; science is the art of differentiation. Discovering in every man that which distinguishes him from others is to know him.'
Goldmund: 'If you like. One man wears wooden shoes and is a peasant; the other wears a crown and is a king. These are differences, I grant you. But children can see them too, without any science.'
Narcissus: ' But when peasant and king are dressed alike, the child can no longer tell one from the other.'
Goldmund: 'Neither can science."
Narcissus: 'Perhaps it can. Not that science is more intelligent than the child, but it has more patience; it remembers more than just the most obvious characteristics.'
Goldmund: 'So does any intelligent child. He will recognize the king by the look in his eyes, or by his bearing. To put it plainly: you learned men are arrogant, you always think everybody else stupid. One can be extremely intelligent without learning.'
Narcissus: 'I am glad that you're beginning to realize that. You'll soon realize, too, that I don't mean intelligence when I speak of the difference between us. I do not say, you are more intelligent, or less intelligent; better or worse. I merely say, you are different.'
...

It goes on, but I feel like I've already transcribed too much. I like it as a discussion of difference not being good or bad, and that sometimes, in academia we put too much weight in differences, mostly because it is necessary for study, but when does it become arrogant?

I'd be interested in continuing the discussion started last winter in Queer studies, focusing on the idea of difference, and maybe even Narcissus' definition.

~*~*~*~

Ok... I'm already a bit written out, but I'll at least say a little. Sitting in our Creeper chairs, great discussion ensued- as it often does- between Janelle and I. We are perched in the summer before our senior year of college. Already, I'm moving away from my Coast Guard dreams of justice and adventure, and into a more resigned mindset of work, rent, and pay checks. In many ways, I am young Goldmund, and I am eager to see how he figures it out.

We talked-as we often do- of relationships. Janelle is in a good one, I am still "dating." We tried to define what that really means. I am still uncomfortable with the idea of a RELATIONSHIP being something that you can invest your whole self with... in the end, I just wish it wasn't a part of life. Janelle said something really good... but now I can't remember it.

What this post comes down to though, is that I am ok with the now. Unlike yesterday. While I still see the next three months looming in financial struggle and social strife, I'm not too concerned.