There's a pretty Pidgeon outside

I am in a pink mood, but they don't have any good pinks to choose from. Purple will have to do.

I have 20 minutes before I have to go to the band room, and 20 minutes isn't enough time to do anything productive... so I am blogging because that isn't entirely a waste of time.

This morning, I did stare out of the window for a very long time, but other than that, I am feeling quite productive. I studied the first few chapters for the writing quiz that is tomorrow, practiced my trumpet (if only for 20 minutes) and figured out a strong thesis to base Women's Studies paper three on. That paper needs to be finished tonight, and I also need to be confident with my knowledge for the writing quiz. Other than that, if I can accomplish those TWO things I will feel ok with myself.

I am going to need to get going on that History paper again, this time sorting the reading into a list. That will be tedious and difficult because there are many readings that I didn't finish. By Friday I want to have all the information sorted into an outline, so on Saturday I can type the paper.

I don't feel bad about boring you with my planning. It is helpful to me to share it... it's here or my Mom, and I think she's getting annoyed with it all.

So, the task set before me today is manageable. There is still plenty to do.

Time is going TOO FAST! So fast that Mother Nature is telling it to SLOOOOW DOOOOWNNN... tee hee.

Jenny, Nicole and I just met for our Women's studies project. It is going to be interesting to see that come to fruition... luckily it is our last final... hopefully that's lucky.

Last night, I read 100 pages of Choke, which forces me to wonder, "How come I have time for leisure reading NOW?" Not only that, but I was also invited to watch a movie... I turned down the offer, and was quite sad. On the upside of that exchange, I got a full night's rest.

Another thing on my mind is my new job. As it looms closer, I just get more and more frightened, mostly because 2-10 are the best hours of the day... those are 8 hours that I will not get to share with my friends... I'll probably compensate AFTERWARD, which means that I will sleep through most of the morning, to get up in time to go to work again. NOT an appealing proposition.

Or I could love it.

First Year is a State of Mind

I didn't blog much last week.

It's past my bed time on Monday night, and I am in the Laundry room waiting for my clothes to dry. Marrta was going to come down here too, but I guess the defense meeting went longer than expected. I bet she is absolutely thrilled.

Our case is done, but I think at this point I would have really stopped caring.

Because I have so much to do, I have been slowly chipping away at it all. I read tomorrow's Women's Studies, typed half a lousy paper, and continued to list things from my History Notes. Tomorrow is already Tuesday. ... If I keep a good pace, and don't let laziness have its way I will be all right... If I do succumb to such evil habits, then I might not get out of this unscathed.

I am not worrying though.

The year is coming to a close, and I am in a very good place. I've come a long way since this time last year. This last weekend was the State Speech Tournament, meaning that it was one year ago, that I was there. That I met Josh. I like to have a reference like that, because it makes it all easier to be put in perspective.

In my insecurity, I lamented at being a first year, and I was told that First year is a state of mind. I feel that I will forever be full of wonder and awe at being here. I hope that the world to me will keep its sense of newness, but is that what distinguishes First Year status?

I guess not.

Again, may I emphasize that this weekend was amazing. Finally a weekend worth remembering. Worth sharing. A far cry from sleeping till noon because there's nothing else to do, and whining about homework the rest of the time.

Last weekend was really good too... but for different reasons.

I am coming out of my shell. Shedding my skin. "Becoming who I am..." I know that I still have a long way to go, but at least now I am accepting my own ways of dealing with things. My next step is to lose this mystery insecurity.

Saturday night, We finally got to shoot the quote for Colin's documentary... and now as I look back and analyze it, I find a dozen ways to have done it better... but that's in the past. Later, I went with that group to the Best Worst Movie at the Uptown Theater: a midnight showing of Troll 2. Featuring not a single Troll! (Even better, Goblins that turn you into plants so as to EAT YOU!)

In place of Trolls, it featured some steamy corn and a double decker bologna sandwich of DOOM.

When the film was done, there was a game of Plinko Apocalypse, and Fred won a bottle of cleaner. None of us were left out though, because as we left we ALL got prizes. I got an AWESOME plastic Stegosaurus that I am very proud of.

I love sleeping in until noon after earned it the night before.

Today, I plunged into the final real Monday of the Semester. Final. As mentioned before, I have a lot to accomplish, but I have every intention of doing it all. Then finals. Then ROMANIA!

CENTRAL LIBRARY!

I am coming off of a great day. Yesterday was amazing.

And today shows such wonderful outcomes as well.

Yesterday, I decided that I should go to the Central Library, and asked Visser if she was down. She was, so this morning when I got up, I dressed and took the train to Nicollet Ave. Visser took the bus from Hamline, so I got here earlier. I went to Target and bought a camera to take pictures in Romania. It is my first digital camera, and though I should not love possessions, I am very happy about it. I can't wait to start thoroughly documenting my life.

Visser and I have been here for a few hours. At first we sat among the geneaology shelves looking up Brittish Lords and talking, then we got food. We ate out in front of the Library and people watched from a new angle.

I got some History planning done, but I still have a lot to do. I was going to read Women's studies, but the internet was more appealing.

Visser is leaving, so I am leaving too.

Life is Grand.

Six Degrees

Yeah, so I am killing time.

I am in the library, and I just re printed all of the history readings that I had, but got jumbled. My next step is to put them in my folder, and start re-highlighting, re-reading, and in some cases reading what I never got to before.

I have a killer stomach ache, and I am blaming the hot chocolate, because I think this has happened before. Jw told me to lay on my side, but I can't, because I am in the library.

There are less than forty minutes before I have to go to class, and like always, I am unsure of what's due for Writing. I am hoping that my final draft isn't due, because it's still pretty rough. Too bad I never make time to edit things.

Finals are fast approaching, and though they are not upon me yet, I am trying to work up some of the panic that I should be feeling in a week or so. Feel the panic now, so it won't be as horrible when it really is panic time. More advice from that book that Hank gave me. ... I forgot the title. I will post it later and recommend that EVERY soon to be first year read it.

I should at least work on that grammatical error sheet... I like grammar.

For writing, I wrote about Marching band, and how little decisions 5 years ago have directly influenced where I am now. That got me to thinking what the decisions I am making now will have to do with the next 5 years. Then, when I was talking to my mom last night, I got to thinking about Six Degrees of Separation, and how crazy it is that 6 degrees is almost too much! For example: Honors Eric, complete stranger 7 months ago, yet he was from Howard Lake Waverly and (probably) knew Jackie, who I roomed with at the 2004(5?) FFA convention. Or Anna from my floor, also a complete stranger, separated by one degree through Anna Fox. Yeah. Isn't that cool?

Link that to the last 5 years, and think about how many degrees will be significant in the future!
!

I really LOVE Mondays. For real.

I was extremely crazy happy earlier today, and last night too, but now I am just tired.

I will take a nap before Kathleen and I have our study party.

Two weeks left. I spent today being really productive, and still have some work to do. My trumpet Jury is coming up, and I have not practiced.

I love my trumpet so much, and I love music, and I love band... so why don't I practice?

I love watching people outside my window. I am really bummed that I won't have this view much longer. Yesterday I watched a couple say good bye very passionately for a good 10 minutes. Call me a creeper, but I thought it was cute. Besides, they were making out in front of my window, you can't blame me because it was their fault. Then later that night I watched Tad and Lauren play frisbee. This is the neatest time of day, when the sun is starting to go down, but it is still plenty warm. I wish I was out playing.

The date for the Beet Fest is officially set. I am extremely excited, and Kathleen gets to go too, which will make it that much better. The invite went out on Facebook and the description sounds AMAZING! Alan says it's the high light of his summer. The wait is agonizing.

I've been thinking of my job a lot... I am getting nervous again. At least now I HAVE the job, and like Mom said, if I hate it, it's just three months and I never have to do it again. "Just three months." Wow. But what if it's really scary?

I ate dinner with Kevin, even though he didn't wait for me, and after cracking two "That's what she saids" in a row, I challenged him to make none of them, or "your mom's" until next week. He doesn't really have to do it, because it's not like I can keep a monitor on him, but it will be a lesson.

Personally, I find those jokes degrading, insulting and embarrassing. Plus, they do nothing to move a good conversation forward. Admittedly, I have heard some good ones, but unless it's REALLY good, and you're not in the middle of a serious conversation, don't do it!

Late Morning. Happy Easter.

Easter Morning.
I got out of bed an hour ago, and that was after Kathleen kicked me out at 7:30 so she could sleep on her own bed. I feel bad now.

Last night, Kathleen, Lauren and I got all dressed up and went to Too Much Love with Jared. I have repeatedly turned down offers to go there from Jenny and Ben, but I went this time because Lauren is here. I can't say that I didn't enjoy myself, but ... I don't know. I guess I still need to figure out some of it's appeal.

Today, I think I am going to finish Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas, or at least get close (Then I can start Choke!) Later today the three of us are going to Minnehaha Park, which is cool because I have never been there before. I don't know what else we are doing today, homework time hopefully. I have been working on my Narrative paper for a few days now, and I don't know where I'm going with it. So far I have established the awkwardness that was the first day of Marching Band Practice, but where to?

I think I want to use Marty as a tie in to my future. Without Marching Band, would I have still ended up here? And had I not met Marty, would I know Alan? If I didn't know Alan, would I know Ali, Mitch, Zeb and company?

See, it's a pretty big deal, I just don't know how to make it all fit together.

I don't like Narrow Stairs as much as I like Plans... maybe it's because I ripped this one second.

I am dreaming

Happy:

M&Ms
Online Streaming of KVSC 88.1fm
Knowing that I will not have to work at a restaurant this summer.

I had my job interview today. Last week I talked to Cacy about my summer job dilemma, and the other issues surrounding staying on campus. She suggested that I search non-profit jobs, so I did. One near the top was the Fund for the public Interest. I investigated. It's a non profit campaign organization that works with other groups like the Sierra Club and the Campaign for Human Rights. I applied, and began dreaming of the possibilities... then I read the responsibilities and got intimidated. I accepted that even if I got the job, I wouldn't have to take it if it didn't feel right. Until I hopped on Marrta's bike with my sunglasses and rolled up pants.

I got to Dinky town in 15 minutes, cruising down the bike lanes like nothing. Since I left at 10, I got there plenty early, and hung out in a waiting room. The building looks like it could have been around in the 60s, or even earlier. The walls are off white, and all the doors are wooden with simple door knobs. As I sat in the waiting room with the vending machines, I pretended it was 1972. A little before eleven, I found the room I was supposed to go to, and listened to the main guy's spiel about the program. Then I filled out the application form and waited to be interviewed.

In the interview, I told him about my experience with the Tim Faust Campaign, and like nothing, he told me to show up on May 25th. Just like that. The job almost sounds too good to be true. Phone banking and door knocking, decent pay, a great cause and like minded people? Am I dreaming? Are you telling me that I get to live in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in an apartment with 3 other amazing people, reading and drawing, riding my bike to work at the U and make money to support myself and pay for college?

Growing up is starting to look a lot better.

No restaurants.
And the resume! How great will this be when I apply for real jobs in the real world?

Kathleen and I are taking Lauren to the Mall later, and then I am going to be pretentious with Fred.

As for now?
Guess what.
I am going to do homework!

EASTER BREAK

It is such a beautiful day out there! I can hear the shouts of glee and laughter over in Murphey park... and I have to go to the mall. Granted, it will be a fun adventure to analyze the portrayal of race, gender, sex and body image, but I could be outside playing catch.

I really want to play catch.

Today is Thursday, but really it's a Friday, because we don't have school tomorrow, and LAUREN is coming tonight. I am really excited to see her again, and it means that we get to live up City Life in the fullest... Even if that means going to Too Much Love to be bombarded by smells and creepers. Heh.

Tomorrow morning I have a job interview, and I SHOULD spend the rest of the weekend getting things done, but I say that every Friday.

Faye and company sent me jelly beans and ladybug shaped chocolates. They are SO cool. :) My family. And the chocolates.

Maybe Claire can visit this summer...

I have been really happy lately, and other than that I really don't have much to report. Hail Weekend!

Fever!

I got a fever! (harmon mute) buh dum buh daaah DAHT!

(My attempt to express Gospel Praise...)

The fever I have is of the Spring variety.

I am in such a manic great mood, it's kind of worrisome.

Finally, the sun is out!

My window is open, the blind drawn up, my little Jade plan sitting happily in the light...

:)

I gave a residence hall tour today for Sneak Preview. I don't get to do one tomorrow, and that makes me sad... I got to see inside of Oren! Wow. My mind is blown. SO PRETTY! ... High Ceilings and automatic lights. I need to make a friend who lives there.

Accepting applications...

I frolicked back from OGC, hugged two trees, and then checked to see if I could see through my window from Murphey Park. I couldn't. All is well.

I saw Anna at OGC too, and she needed a room mate for summer, so I said she could live with Marrta, Kathleen and me. It should be cool. Tonight we are getting together to discuss housing, and then we are finalizing it all tomorrow. ! WOAH!

One of the Non-Profit Org Jobs that I applied for emailed me back, and told me to call.
My phone is still at Hamline.

We need to write a paper tonight too, but until then, Iam going to stay here in Paul's sweatpants rocking out to Death Cab for Cutie (which really is as cool as everyone says.) Hooray!

Workin' for the Man

I spent two hours at the Mall of America today. After arriving via light rail, I went to Panda Express to feed myself, because I knew that the task at hand would not be handled well on an empty stomach... Then I embarked.

I started on the 3rd floor, hitting Bubba Gump's, Kokomos, and the other sit down eateries, from there I worked my way all the way down to the first floor, finally hitting Barnes and Noble. The application to the Rainforest Cafe had to be done in the store, so I had to sit at the bar to fill it out. There was some information I didn't know... so I just gave it to them as it was. They will call me... If I worked there, I would have to deal with a lot of children. Children and restaurants don't really mesh.

The ones I am really hoping for are Bubba Gumps, Famous Daves, Tucci Balucci (?) or Kokomos, but I also applied to the Napa Valley something or other, where I will have to take a quiz testing my knowledge of margaritas, and Twin City Grill, which was also dark and foreboding. There's a chance that no one will call me back... and then? Tough Titties.

On Friday night, I went home with Marrta after the Wild pep band. We ate, slept, and woke up to go to breakfast with her family. Then, after I got back to Augsburg, I met up with Anna and her mom to go to the track meet at Hamline. I texted Visser saying, "WOAH! I am at Hamline!" and she told me that she and Aubrey were going back to Ogilvie to see the play, and that I could come with! So after the meet, I met up with Visser and Aubrey and got in the car to go HOME! I got to go home after all. I got to see the play!

Ms. Swenson Directed it, even though she claimed that Annie Get Your Gun was her last show... 3 years ago. This year it was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolored Dreamcoat. I could tell that she directed, and that she got a huge kick out of it. Of course it was just a high school musical; no one dared get TOO into it else they look dumb. In other words, it could have been much better. The show itself was really fun, with bright awesome colors, and silly songs. Alex Carda played a rockin' pharaoh, and the little pit band will grow up to do great things now that the trifecta of geekdom has gone away (Lily, Sara, Nicole.)

And... Dare I mention it? Dare I be bold and admit to having a crush? Yes. I so dare.

The lead (who happened to be prancing around half naked for the majority of the show wearing a wavy brown wig) was the boy who's charm captivated my interests to a painful degree for at least three months of my Senior year. Pretty much all of the Musical until I met Josh... It didn't help to see him now, as I am reminded WHY he so captivated me... *sigh...

I am a tough girl. I will get through this trying time...

Otherwise, it was great to get home, and see some old friends and teachers. It was also beneficial for me to reconnect with the earth and my parents. Going home this time solidified my decision to stay on campus over the summer. I have out grown my Ogilvie home, but it will still be there whenever I need it.

But, because that decision is final, I will NEED a job no matter what. Hence my mall trick-or-treating extravaganza this afternoon. Wish me luck.

Gray areas of lifetimes

All of this responsible adult-ness is starting to get to me...

I mean really... Taxes? Insurance? Finding Employment? Not going home for the summer?

It's a lot to take in, and I am growing more and more apprehensive each day. Less and less like the kid I feel I should still be. Independence.

All my life people have described me as an independent person, and I guess I always have been... BUT... I have never had to actually use it.

Now that I am staying here over the summer I really am what I own.

Only one month left in Urness... this is it. I've been here 7 months. Seven solid months of my life have been centered around the room that I am sitting in right now.

I am going to miss my view of Murphey Park.

Ugh... I don't want to think about this much anymore.

I am going to miss Kanebec County. I am going to miss the gravel roads, that when I visit will still be there, but won't be the setting of my narrative anymore. They won't be mine. I am going to miss the woods between the house and the shop. I am going to miss each tree I pass on the trail. I will miss the old trailer, and the yard with the trees I used to climb in. The picnic table. The lilac bush that was planted when I came home from the hospital. The radio station with its smell, and sounds. The studio where I have shared joy, and shed tears. My family and pets. The people who have always been there.

This is what I think about, and start doubting... but I will make the right decision. I know that is true... and I know that that decision is to stay...

But I don't want to grow up. I don't want to finish this chapter. At first I thought that High School Graduation was the end of an era; the closing of Act One; the final page... but I see now that it wasn't. I can look at it like a historian, like Adamo's lecture, "Modern or Medieval?"

What distinguishes the line between child and teenager? Can I block it off and say, "Childhood: C. 1990-2003 Adolescence: 2003-2008, Adulthood: 2008-." No... it can't be defined. Did I become a teenager when I hit puberty? When I turned 13? When I started 9th grade? After the first Marching Band practice? Was adulthood defined by my 18th birthday as it is legally? Was it after the State Speech tournament? Was it Josh? Was it after the last parade? The first day in my dorm? The first day of class? Was it filing my taxes? Or will it be summer?

I wish it was defined so I could have prepared better.