A Once and Future King

As you may know, I've been ovaries deep in Game of Thrones of late. I still have about 200 pages before I can take a deep breath, read a few more chapters of Moby Dick, and then plunge back into the next 4 books, so that I will finally be able to talk to my friends again. Without spoilers.

Well, the back cover of my copy (Featuring Sean Bean < 3 in Aegon's sword throne) it reads, "Reminiscent of T.H. Whites a Once and Future King, this novel is an absorbing combination of blah blah blah, [myth], [history], [personal], [boobs]." 

It's been on my mind, and from there, I go from talking about a gloriously addicting book that provides hours of fun, conversation with friends new and old, in addition to fantastically nerdy pick up lines, I proceed to talk about my feelings. 

No one likes a break up.

A lot of me fears relationships as a whole simply because I know they will have to come to an end, and that means going through the Bitter Break-up. I guess that proves that deep down, I am in this relationship game for the long run, that my ultimate goal is to find someone that I will not have to ditch.

But in youth and adolescence, the end is inevitable (Like how Michael tells George Michael that he can't date Maybe, because he's 15 and even though they're not related, it WILL end).

Yet meanwhile, I watch close friends and beloved family members tie the knot. 

The legacy of Josh the First still holds that the only point of dating is to scope out for marriage. It seems extreme and ultimate, yet ... yeah. To his credit (Josh the First easily holds a seat in my long time friend cabinet, anything I say about him is with the utmost respect) his views on relationships have become less extreme. Again though, who doesn't just want a lifetime of happiness?

So I tried Polyamory. I hate even saying that word. "Non-monogamy" works better... but what it comes down to is the idea that dating doesn't mean marriage. Dating means dating. It makes sense if you want to play the field, and the non-monog dialogues I learned hold true when it comes to HONESTY, youth, freedom and reckless decisions. 

For example, when tumbling in the sheets with a new partner, having been on one, two, three whole dates by now and well, your belt is coming off. That is when you say, "Hey, I actually subscribe to a post-modern ideal of relationships, reminiscent of the "free-love" movement of Victoria Woodhull in the late 1800s, recognizing that we all have the right to enjoy our bodies on our own terms, and further, as Foucault would argue that our choices in relationships do not necessarily define ourselves as individuals. This being said, I am currently engaged in multiple relationships, each of us moving forward in constant dialogue based on honesty, safety and autonomy. Still wanna bone?"

In lay person terms, i.e. for those who don't feel it necessary to over analyze everything from major life decisions to what to have for breakfast, "Hey bro, I'm not looking for anything serious. K?"

Two whole significant summers ago, I found myself in a relationship that made sense. I liked it. I was in love. I became a Prince. His Prince.

Yet, in the Game of Thrones you either win or you die, and I am a King.

Too Tired for Feelings

Waking up too early.

Working hard all day, mentally, physically, both.

Dealing with people, the environment, and myself.

Get home. Exhausted. Make a lunch for tomorrow and count the hours until it's ok to go to sleep again.

In those hours, in clarity of mind, feel. Feel things that I was too busy wallowing in to notice. Not now. I only have time for living these days.

But life goes on.

Not Wearing Pants, My Anti-Drug

Eyes snapped open after a failed attempt at an already too late bed-time.

The excitement to move is finally kicking in. Probably because tomorrow's the day.
Until this point, I felt reluctant, unmotivated and even hesitant about moving, but now it's actually happening, and entering a new space is always a fun process.

I couldn't stop thinking about my action plan: Wake up as if it were a work day, 5:45am up and at it, clean out the van, move my small boxes from the cabin into bigger boxes, manuever mattress from old room! ...
... But... do I want to try to move my bookshelf? It's perfect for my book needs in addition to being an ideal fit for Kraken's tank. What about my Encylopedia Brittanicas? They are heavy, but would provide knowledge as well as table space. I need a dresser. Is it worth purging ALL the clothes from my past, and hauling my big pine dresser out of the corner? It would be heavy, and probably wouldn't fit in this round of moving anyway... but... space! And decorations... I could bring my muskrat skin, and my Civil War poster, and my little black Dala Horse. My new room will be beautiful... but... I'll only be there for 5 months. 5 months of heavy living, I'll have to move in a LITTLE! So why not make it comfy?

At this point, I gave up on sleep, and did a preliminary purge of clothing. Only a small number of items didn't make the cut, but I got it down to three boxes, and that's including bedding!

And, as a hippie, who should own "nothing and nothing," I brace myself for future renegades.

Because let's say I set a long term goal of being accepted into "Project Conserve" in North Carolina next year. My experience by then will be a solid nudge. I even have a chance of being a LEADER!

And WHERE exactly?

Asheville. Asheville, North Carolina, a city who caught my eye years ago and commenced to woo. It's about time I ran to their arms, and under whims more realistic than in two days in the back of some stranger's truck.

Yeeeahh.... that happened.

I just checked out their website... the next term starts this September, and I'll be with my Minnesota Corps until December. Maybe I'll be in my new room a bit longer!

A lot is up in the air, but a lot is also solid.
After only two weeks in the Conservation Corps I feel my future stirring. ... I must avoid cliches that echo the t-shirts, "Resources Restored, Lives Changed."

But yeah, my life is already changed.

*Title taken from a lovely game of Cards Against Humanity. That, and I'm doing that thing where, because you never do laundry, when you do, you do as much as you most possibly can.