WTF, Self?

Just now, while talking to my mother about various other dissonances in my life, I remembered something: I am good at biology.

All through my public education, biology was a class I went into without any doubts, that I knew I could pass with ease. The only reason I stopped taking biology and science classes, was because they weren't offered anymore. If I had entered college when I was 14, I would have majored in biology with dreams of becoming a field biologist, and I would have done well.

Then why the hell did I go into my introductory biology class this week with the mindset, "Oooooh, BiOloGy! This is going to be HARD for MEEEE, because I am naught but a silly humanities major. I am SCARED of mysterious ScIencEs!!!"

Stupid.

Stupid #2:

"I talked to Bob today, we are going to play film scores in band this fall. Yeah, I know... FILM SCORES... ha."

Again, 14 year old me would have peed with excitement, but for some reason snobby hipster me is too cool for that.

Things that are not Cool:

Liking band- band is dumb, you only take it because you have to, for your major, or scholarship or whatever. The songs are always boring, and we never play in tune, and O M G what a f*cking waste of time.

Liking to read for class- reading is BORING. I only do it because I have to, tuh you know... graduate and stuff, and I would SO much rather be somewhere else. HUh Huh! Like a party!

Enjoying talking to grown ups.

Enjoying the sciences if you are in humanities. Science people are REALLY smart, and really weird, I don't get 'em.

Not hating cafeteria food. *SIGH* I hate cafeteria food! It makes me sick, A'viands is so horrible and is never good ever.

...

Where has the motivated, excited Lily of my youth gone? Who is this lazy, disinterested slug?

FREE LAUNDRY

As a person who enjoys doing laundry, this is big news.

Gone are the days of watching my sock drawer grow scarce, while my laundry card remains barren.

!!!

And the machines are new too! They are very shiny, with light up buttons, and a detergent system that you pour from the outside. I also heard that they are especially energy efficient, which is even more awesome.

I am very excited.

~*~*~

I spent most of today with my amazing Augsem. We ate breakfast together, went to the opening convocation, and then went to the Minneapolis Indian Women's Resource Center. The MIWRC is a few blocks from Augsburg, and they provide many resources for American Indian women in this community. In particular, they provide help to single mothers, and victims of violence. Sal, the man who lead us in our service project, told us they recently spent a million and a half dollars fixing up their apartments which are rented out for rent based on wages.

Our job was to repaint the hallway and women's bathroom. It did not take us the whole time, and we had a good time getting to know eachother.

Later, I went to True Thai on Franklin with Colin because I felt like having one more splurge before classes start.

Erica and I filled out our roommate agreements. We are not going to have any problems.

I've spent the rest of the evening tidying, sorting and DOING LAUNDRY. I want to be all clean and organized as I begin my academic year.

Smells like autumn, text books and enthusiasm

I really don't like corny advertising slogans. I don't know why, they just tick me off. The McDonalds' bill board that says, "Our hot cakes are going like, well..." is an example, as well as the "Droid Does" ads (does? the next generation of does? like what? Deer? Yeah, I suppose that obscure black bill board with what looks like some red eyes could be something about a deer. Maybe it's a movie. ... OH! It could be does like it does stuff... right... because it's a phone or something... wait... that doesn't make sense either!)

However, I just discovered product descriptions that include two nouns and state of mind as a metaphor, invoke a chuckle 100% of the 2 times tested.

The first was a sticker on my deodorant when I bought Old Spice (I didn't feel like smelling like chemical flowers or babies). I still have it, it says, "Smells like ice, wind and freedom." Who wouldn't want to smell like ice, wind and freedom? I felt so POWERFUL.

The second occured minutes ago when I inspected my new can of Febreze air spray. My! What an interesting smell! I knew it was lavender and... maybe vanilla? let's see, "Lavender vanilla & comfort." (Comma ommission not mine).

Lavendervanilla and COMFORT! Why yes! That was what I smelled!

Today was the second day of Augsem training. It felt a lot shorter than yesterday, but probably because the first thing we did was run around campus on a scavenger hunt. I was on a team with two cool people I have seen all over, but never really met and we had a good time. We even won by a good ten minutes!

Then we had presentations on time management, which were helpful. They gave us all printed out copies of how our schedules fit in the week, and a calendar of the semester including breaks and important events. I am going to start filling mine out.

During our lunch break, I walked over to the book store to get a planner, and almost as soon as I got back, we found out that the prize for those of us who remembered to bring back our folders... was a new planner. I gave my free one to Aidan.

It is cold today. The last time I saw 65 in a weather report was in the overnight temperatures in August. Now we can only hope for HIGHS in the 60s. I like it a lot. I got to wear two sweaters.

When I got back to my room, Erica had been here, and cleaned up all my dishes and messes that I left ALL over, because I didn't expect her to be back until tomorrow. I did some more organization then, and now things are looking quite nice. We have a GREAT apartment, and I really feel ok calling it that. It's not like my, "on campus apartment."

Tomorrow I go to the Renaissance, and next week, Andrew and I are going to go check out the Unitarian Universalist church downtown. Auggie Days start tomorrow, and everyone else moves back on the 6th. One day after that, we start classes. I can't wait to meet my Augsem, do good work and to start playing in band again.

College blog honest, I have had some serious worries about coming back to school this year. I've struggled with what having a degree means, and with what I see myself doing in the future. I worried about coming back to all the people and the big city. I REALLY miss my parents and my home. The idea of "home" is conflicted, and I don't know what it is going to mean in 2 years. I am NOT very enthusiastic about the late nights and early mornings, derailed class discussions, uncomfortable social situations, stress and exhaustion.

In the last couple days though, I've been reminded of what kind of home this is. Maybe when I was in Ogilvie I was just too detached to remember what this place means, and what I could possibly be happy to do here, but now I get it. At least for now.

This could be a good year.

Back in room 1304

Well, here I am.

I moved back into my old room with Erica yesterday at three. My mom brought me, and we wheeled everything up on our big wheelie cart in just one trip. It didn't take long to get all my stuff unpacked and organized, then Erica went home for the last week of summer. I spent the evening reading American Gods, eating ramen, and watching Adult Swim. It was nice.

But it is weird, and I am a sensitive girl. I am not HOMESICK, but I really miss my parents. I already called my mom this morning, and my eyes well up just thinking about it.

Meanwhile, I am synthesizing the last 4 months since this was my room. Certain things trigger flashbacks good and weird. It is very comfortable and I do feel like this really is my apartment, not like a squatter, someone Erica found and was kind enough to give shelter.

Yesterday, we noted that many of the people who would come over to hang out in our room moved off campus this year. There will still be a handful of people around to say hi, but not as much as last semester. Plus, even if they are on campus, they are not next door or across the hall like before. Will this mean that we will be able to get more work done???

My biceps are sore from moving things yesterday, which considering all the bricks I moved earlier this summer, is pretty pathetic.

Technically, I am not even here yet. I am not supposed to move in until four o'clock today. Soon, I am going to go down to Res Life and see if maybe they could give me my key, since I am already here, and then I will go shopping. If they won't let me, I am going to stay here killing time. I wish I would have brought my guitar... maybe I can play my trumpet quietly...

I am listening to the Of Montreal that Sara gave me. She said that it's healthy. I like it.

I am not feeling as much like Holden Caufield today. I love that boy, and I don't think he is entirely to blame for my angst... but up until yesterday I was still cursing the phonies of the world. Cursing them all for following the expected routes, going to phony school to get phony degrees, in order to get phony jobs so they can buy big phony cars and houses. Luckily, I think that the Augsburg History and Women's Studies departments are least likely to turn one into a phony. At least not me.

The first thing we learned in Honors 120 was that we should question everything, and that includes academia. With that in mind, I feel better able to approach my college educated future.

So. I think that I have a lot to look forward to this year, and I will keep you posted.