Hi!... How are you?

I am growing irked with this question. It's a down side of going to a college where you know everyone. When you are walking to class, and you feel like shit because everything sucks, and a friend of yours in passing greets you with, "How are you?" the automatic default reply is, "Pretty good!" Often accompanied with a smile... even though it's all a lie.

Of course, it would be very inappropriate to respond with, "FML" "Awful" "Depressed" or "Lousy"... or even, "Meh" because all of those responses require an explanation... which I guess is exactly what you WANT to give... but you can't because the asker of the question is on their way to do something else and really don't want to be bombarded with your issues...

"Hey Lily! How are you?"
"Pretty bummed, though I am starting to feel a little better."
"Oh, that's too bad. I am glad you are feeling better. What's up?"
"Well, I am just pretty stressed, and overwhelmed with everything that is going to happen in the next four weeks. Not to mention what's going to happen AFTER that. I don't know if I should stay here, work, and live in Mort while possibly getting a swanky waitressing job, or if I should go home to Ogilvie where I can recouperate for three months, work some low pressure jobs and read books, but risk getting terribly lonely. I mean, I WANT to go home because I miss my family, and I need the time to relax... but I could do that in a week... Three months? I'll go crazy! But if I stay here, I won't have SUMMER in the sense that I am used to... I'll have Minneapolis, but none of the fun and family that I think I need... And I think I would still end up being lonely... shit... I am lonely NOW and I am surrounded with people. Suddenly I am disillusioned with all the prospects of college, and new people, and I find myself isolated and alone. Plus, I don't like putting myself out there because that is really draining, and oftentimes feel violated afterwards... but if I don't then I kick myself for letting possible friendships float past... And, I'll deny ever saying this, but I think I want a boyfriend... or just SOMEONE that I can be close to. Ugh. Now I have papers to write, passive voices to kill, laundry to do, Women's Studies to read, minutes to type, court cases to plan, with a day that won't be done until at least midnight, and fatigue that has been eating me since I woke up... What should I do?"
"Well, I think you should listen to the Shins, drink some Sobe, take a deep breath and start plugging. It's like your Mom said, 'you stay up all night playing DnD, you should have no problem staying up to get things done. Buckle down and get on it!'"

So that's what I'm doing. I just drank HALF a can of Sobe. Hopefully that will give me enough power to get a paper done, without the side effects that include 3am sobbing and leg shaving. Sweet Sweet elixer of life.

Earlier when I was tired I pretended it was because I went to a mid-night showing of a good movie the night before. That's one of my FAVORITE feelings. I felt the exhaustion throughout my body, but I accepted that I had to embrace it rather than fight it... it worked.

I also just dug myself out of my desk, and that really isn't an exaggeration. I couldn't see it... so I took out a cardboard box and started putting books in it, so I could move other things onto my shelves... from there, my desk underwent an entire remodeling. I am glad that I did. It's a proper workspace now. Proper enough. I'll move onto my closet next.

Juve brought my charger back, so I have a phone again. This was a very educational weekend.

And now I am listening to the Death Cab for Cutie album that Kathleen burned for me. It's proving to be very helpful to my mood.

So things aren't too bad. Not one at a time. Right?
Right.